Goals for the rest of my life.
This is where I’m at in my life.
This is what I need to do to be effective at overcoming my greatest challenges and attaining aspirations.
This is what is important to me.
4 Dimensions of Human Nature
- Physical – exercise, nutrition, stress management
- Mental – Reading, visualizing, planning, writing
- Spiritual – Value clarification, commitment, study, meditation
- Social/Emotional – service, empathy, synergy, intrinsic security.
In order to be an effective person, I have to have a balance in all four dimensions.
They are intertwined and affect each other at the core.
My daily goal, for the rest of my life, is to be cognizant of when I have not fulfilled the 4 dimensions of human nature. This is a lot to commit to, but I can only see good things happening as a result.
On top of the 4 dimensions, I must be principle-centered.
And I must start now.
While a lot of people might think it’s common sense, it’s not all that common practice.
I don’t think the majority of households really understand the significance of teaching correct principles, otherwise they’d do it and we’d all be on similar pages…. They may instill some principles, but to effectively practice and nurture it is a different story.
Sooo…I may be behind the crowd, perhaps — but starting now is better than “later.”
And I’m going to be honest, like I always am: I wasn’t brought up with all the unchanging, permanent, self-evident and fundamental principles I would have hoped for — to this day — I feel like I’m lacking the majority. My family taught by the “right” or “wrong,” “don’t do that” methodology. That methodology does not provide proper, self-evident truths that can be applied to all circumstances.
In this day and age, I’ve become sucked into the “personality ethic” — where I buy into having the “right” attitude, behavior, techniques and communication skills… But this is not enough. This, as Stephen Covey calls it in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, is “lubrication” for human interaction. It is “social mileage.” We play the game, we manipulate the rules — all for social recognition. However, life is not about social recognition — it’s about influence, impact and how we affect others and society.
This is why something like volunteering my time actually feels good — I never think twice about where I want to be or where I should be because where I am at the time, is all of the above. It’s what needs to happen. I get to fulfill all 4 dimensions for my personal balance and then execute a a few basic, but again, fundamental principles such as service, humility, patience and human dignity.
I think that it is important to recognize that life is a process, a development, a growing; therefore, there are no shortcuts in life — and quick-fixes are just that. They don’t fix the root of the problem, which is likely to occur again.
It is important for me to slow down, take time and begin with baby steps — to correct what needs to be corrected, instead of looking for a band-aid.
It may feel uncomfortable, awkward or painful, but it needs to happen, because the outcome is so great. To have the end in mind and understand that if I spend time to correct and fix things — where it stems — then only good can result.
An example of this is asking my mom if she is willing to commit 15 minutes a day to practice dialogue and discourse.
She agreed.
Tonight we talked for nearly 2 hours — and it was because she wanted to, after she understood my intent. I told her that I want to build a relationship with her where we have an open, honest and a trusting mother-daughter relationship. So there’s a potential for having synergy. I want her to listen emphatically, understand me and provide affirmation. That means, no talking over me, no handing me her “prescriptive glasses”/autobiography — no unsolicited “advice.” I told her if I wanted to hear it, I would ask her, “What would you do if you were in my situation? What did you do?” I told her that she just “prescribes” me her “glasses” without even “diagnosing.” She interrupts and never hears my full situation — always looking for a way to “reply” or provide a quick fix — which in turn just makes me angry at her and halts all communication. This is something that I’m going to start doing next week with my sister, if she’ll agree to it too. We’ll see how it goes…
I must always be aware of my paradigms and how I see the world. My paradigms are based on my experience; therefore, they are true for me and I must be responsible for them. I need to examine and test them against reality and listen with an open mind to others’ paradigms and perceptions – their world. If I maintain this awareness, I will have a more objective view and be a fairer, less judgmental person.
I must not remain guarded — because if I do, I will never take risks, never truly conquer my fears nor allow myself to have any options. If I close off people and say, “I don’t want to hear it,” whether it be for comfort sake, difference of paradigms, or something else — I am not being open-minded. I have not even begun to try and understand them, so how could I ever seek to be understood by them? I am being selfish by coddling myself! This happens with my mom all the time…
Other things to consider working on: patience, pro-activeness, having hope, balance, art of “we” — not just “what’s in it for me?”, to understand and then to be understood, and valuing and embracing differences.
It’s been over a year that I’ve been transforming from dependent -> independent. I think I’ve come a long way, but I still have more work to be done. I need to believe and work on being principle-centered instead of pleasure and work-centered.
Once I have done this, I will be able to move toward interdependency, and perhaps stumble upon an affirming, loving, and complementing person to be in a relationship — someone who is principle-centered and believes in honesty, integrity, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, modesty, service, quality, excellence, potential, growth, nurturing, simplicity and encouragement.
And then, it will be working toward synergy — “we not me” — husband and kids of my own! O_O
Okay, that’s far into the future, but something to consider when the time comes…
Right now, I am beginning with the end in mind, prioritizing and demonstrating pro-activity in everything that I’m too scared to do.
No excuses.
