A brush with my worst fear.
Fears:
#1 – Drowning
#2 – Suffocating
#3 – Heights
–
We came upon Stark Reality, going hard all the way.
But it wasn’t enough.
Our raft went down, as the white wall of water rose above and right before our eyes.
It was like watching a shark open widely to take a hefty bite out of its dinner.
The wave crashed on us, flipping our as well as the second raft belly-up.
It was instantaneous.
I didn’t realize I was under water until my head popped up under the raft.
The first thing that went through my mind was, “Oh my god, I’m going to suffocate, or hit a rock and go unconscious!”
I must have found the rope on the outside of the raft to hold onto, as I submerged under water and popped back up on the outside.
I knew I wasn’t strong enough to climb onto the raft, so I held on… I wasn’t even sure whether there were people stuck under the raft and were trying to get out.
In any case, I was thinking of my next move.
I saw Brandon far away in his Kayak, hoping he’d come and get me — but that never happened.
Panic arose.
I remember thinking, “Ironic. I wrote Brandon’s number and address down for my sister and brother — at least they will be able to call him and find out that I drowned!”
I saw a log coming closer as the current pushed me downstream.
I tried grabbing a hold of it so that I wouldn’t keep floating down the river.
The current was so strong that as soon as my fingers grasped the fallen log, they had slipped away.
Meanwhile, hyperventilating, trying to regain my breath from the shock of the icy water, as well as trying to keep in a sitting position (with my feet in front of me), was making it hard to stay calm.
I caught up with an oar and decided to hold onto it to see if I could use it to help me slow down or anything really!
Though, before I knew it, the next rapid was in front of me and I knew that the oar would hinder more than help me, so I let it go.
The first wave flushed me under water.
I was hoping that I didn’t get snagged on a strainer, as it was impossible to keep my feet in front of me.
I remembered to breathe when I saw the rapid rise, and hold my breath when it crashed.
Waves were coming at me from all sides –
But I breathed, stayed calm, and all the noise disappeared.
I just remember thinking, “When is this going to end?! I can’t keep doing this! I’m going to give up if there are anymore! What if there’s a huge wave that just pulls me under and I get knocked into a huge rock?!”
Before I knew it, I was floating on my back as I had survived swimming the rapids!
I was calm and taking in my air, but realized I should make my next move.
I tried listening for people, I looked for another strainer to try and grab a hold of, but behind me, I saw my guide and 2 others flipping our raft right-side up.
There was hope for me, if they could do it.
And sure enough, I turned back around and they were inside the raft.
I saw a girl getting ready to throw me rope.
I thought to myself, “Hurry up and throw the damn rope!”
It seemed as though she was taking forever!
Davie, on the other hand, had hollered, “Swim to me!”
So I flipped on my stomach and started swimming upstream.
It seemed fruitless, but at least I was given direction from my guide.
He extended an oar and I clutched onto it until he pulled me closer to the raft.
When I was alongside the raft, I swear he had asked me if I wanted to be pulled in.
I thought, “What kind of question is that?!”
So I shrieked, “Yes! Pull me in! I want to be pulled in!”
I was hysterical.
I collapsed on the floor as they steered off to the right and tied up along the shore, just before we approached another rapid.
I dry heaved immediately afterward, not certain whether it was because I had swallowed water or from erratic breathing.
A girl had helped me out of the raft and I realized that three of my fingers looked scraped and disfigured.
No pain though.
I just couldn’t believe I was alive.
–
Aftermath:
I had gone about 1/2 a mile downstream and was the furthest from everyone. Everyone else had been picked up earlier in the river. One of the girls had mentioned how scary it was going through the second rapid on the raft, and she couldn’t believe that I had done it without… I don’t really know how either.
I called it quits for the day and decided to walk back up 2.5 miles to the car to regain my bearings. Everyone was really understanding, as they saw my gimped up hand in a splint.
As Brandon and Iwalked along the river in the scorching 96+ degree weather, I took a look at the rapids I went through. Images flashed in my head and I relived a nightmare. I kept saying to Brandon, “I should be dead! How did I live? I thought I was going to die!” It must have been at least 2-3 hours later, realizing I was still in shock — I broke down.
I feel that I was extremely lucky for not being a strong swimmer, falling out of a class IV rapid, going through wave after wave, not getting caught on a strainer, nor banged up into a rock and surviving.
I think I should be living my life differently, as I saw my death before me.
Watch and see how this unfolds.
