• Define concrete principles and practice them. I never defined my concrete principles. I have them in my head. Scattered. But this is something I should do now than later. Not sure how I’ve managed to skimp on this…the foundation for everything else.
• Exercise, relax and practice meditating. Wow. I hate to admit that I only when I get to my breaking point I begin to do this. What I really need is to do this on a more consistent basis so I don’t have to reach a breaking point. More hiking, more yoga, more deep breathing.
• “Focus on my relationships with others”/Quality relationships. I want to be a super-connector. But I also want to have stronger relationships with my closest friends and family. What I’ve learned in 2009 is that my friendships strengthen when I spend quality time with them. It’s not about how much time I spend with them, but what we do with the time we’ve got. I know I’ve accomplished this when I feel that after even months of not hanging out, we can still get together and pick up from where we left off. At work, I want to connect better with my clients. I want to network by building friendships.

The one goal that I am most relieved to have “accomplished” in 2009 is defining my career and where I’m headed.  I would like to get involved in social work with stronger support. The only way to do this is to go back to school for a Master’s of Social Work degree. I would like to focus on developing more efficient programs to effectively reach out to the target audience. To maximize our impact to those that need help. To ensure that volunteers have a memorable experience.

While nothing in life is set in stone, I’ve mapped out a rough plan of my 2010 year.  The first few months are much more solid than the latter part of the year…But all of these may change down the road.  What matters now is that I have some kind of peace of mind.

January – May

• Enrolled in two (maybe three) community college courses for MSW pre-requisite (Weekly: Monday’s and Wednesday’s)
• Continue mentoring two youth through Reading Partners (Weekly: Tuesday’s)
• Continue interacting with one autistic child (Weekly: Thursday’s)
• Continue singing lessons (Once or twice a month)
• Volunteer in ICO to take youth on outdoor trips (Time permitting – long term commitment)
• Work 40 hours/week and split my time between two different engagements and managers (if feasible).
• Project lead HOBA projects (St. Anthony’s, Twin Peaks, and Almost Eden Garden).

May – August

• Travel
• Work and save money
• Apply for NOLS.

August – December

• MSW program (if accepted)
• NOLS program (if accepted)
• Travel/live in a foreign country (Peru, Chile, Australia, or Europe)

It’s definitely a challenge.

As an external auditor, people hate me before they even meet me.

I’m not used to that.

Throughout engagements I’ve attempted to show that I’m a sensitive, human being who is going to use keen judgment when testing their IT infrastructure controls.

I understand that humans make mistakes.

I will be sensitive to you, if you are likewise to me.

It’s a reciprocation, really.

I’ve recently been presented switching service lines into information protection and business resilience.

I’m not exactly sure what that entails — I would be lying if I said that I understood what it was all about.

But truthfully, I’m just as lost about it as I was with information risk management in the external audit.

My largest concern is being a noob all over again.

But if I don’t do it now, it’ll get much more difficult.

I might even get stuck in my ways and enjoy a level of comfort of knowing exactly how to do my job.

The only problem with this is that the line of work that I do right now is not rewarding.

I’m having a hard time understanding what kind of skills and resources I need in order to do something that I am passionate about; thus, a huge disconnect between the experience I’m obtaining in my day-to-day versus where I want to be, soon.

I think that this year will require me to really push myself in developing a career that I enjoy.

I’ve written down areas that I want to pursue, but I need more information in order to figure out what I need to do to get there.

I’ll be doing a lot of communicating with various people, I know.

I am passionate about what I want in life and I hope that it’ll help drive the change that ultimately, brings me fulfillment and inner peace with each day that I am involved.

I will not settle with a job that does not make me happy.

I will put in just enough time to figure out what I really want to do.

This is what I need to do to be effective at overcoming my greatest challenges and attaining aspirations.

This is what is important to me.

4 Dimensions of Human Nature

• Physical – exercise, nutrition, stress management
• Mental – Reading, visualizing, planning, writing
• Spiritual – Value clarification, commitment, study, meditation
• Social/Emotional – service, empathy, synergy, intrinsic security.

In order to be an effective person, I have to have a balance in all four dimensions.

They are intertwined and affect each other at the core.

My daily goal, for the rest of my life, is to be cognizant of when I have not fulfilled the 4 dimensions of human nature. This is a lot to commit to, but I can only see good things happening as a result.

On top of the 4 dimensions, I must be principle-centered.

And I must start now.

While a lot of people might think it’s common sense, it’s not all that common practice.

I don’t think the majority of households really understand the significance of teaching correct principles, otherwise they’d do it and we’d all be on similar pages…. They may instill some principles, but to effectively practice and nurture it is a different story.

Sooo…I may be behind the crowd, perhaps — but starting now is better than “later.”

And I’m going to be honest, like I always am: I wasn’t brought up with all the unchanging, permanent, self-evident and fundamental principles I would have hoped for — to this day — I feel like I’m lacking the majority. My family taught by the “right” or “wrong,” “don’t do that” methodology. That methodology does not provide proper, self-evident truths that can be applied to all circumstances.

In this day and age, I’ve become sucked into the “personality ethic” — where I buy into having the “right” attitude, behavior, techniques and communication skills… But this is not enough. This, as Stephen Covey calls it in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, is “lubrication” for human interaction. It is “social mileage.” We play the game, we manipulate the rules — all for social recognition. However, life is not about social recognition — it’s about influence, impact and how we affect others and society.

This is why something like volunteering my time actually feels good — I never think twice about where I want to be or where I should be because where I am at the time, is all of the above. It’s what needs to happen.  I get to fulfill all 4 dimensions for my personal balance and then execute a a few basic, but again, fundamental principles such as service, humility, patience and human dignity.

I think that it is important to recognize that life is a process, a development, a growing; therefore, there are no shortcuts in life  — and quick-fixes are just that. They don’t fix the root of the problem, which is likely to occur again.

It is important for me to slow down, take time and begin with baby steps — to correct what needs to be corrected, instead of looking for a band-aid.

It may feel uncomfortable, awkward or painful, but it needs to happen, because the outcome is so great. To have the end in mind and understand that if I spend time to correct and fix things — where it stems — then only good can result.

An example of this is asking my mom if she is willing to commit 15 minutes a day to practice dialogue and discourse.

She agreed.

Tonight we talked for nearly 2 hours — and it was because she wanted to, after she understood my intent. I told her that I want to build a relationship with her where we have an open, honest and a trusting mother-daughter relationship. So there’s a potential for having synergy. I want her to listen emphatically, understand me and provide affirmation. That means, no talking over me, no handing me her “prescriptive glasses”/autobiography — no unsolicited “advice.” I told her if I wanted to hear it, I would ask her, “What would you do if you were in my situation? What did you do?” I told her that she just “prescribes” me her “glasses” without even “diagnosing.” She interrupts and never hears my full situation — always looking for a way to “reply” or provide a quick fix — which in turn just makes me angry at her and halts all communication. This is something that I’m going to start doing next week with my sister, if she’ll agree to it too. We’ll see how it goes…

I must always be aware of my paradigms and how I see the world. My paradigms are based on my experience; therefore, they are true for me and I must be responsible for them. I need to examine and test them against reality and listen with an open mind to others’ paradigms and perceptions – their world. If I maintain this awareness, I will have a more objective view and be a fairer, less judgmental person.

I must not remain guarded — because if I do, I will never take risks, never truly conquer my fears nor allow myself to have any options. If I close off people and say, “I don’t want to hear it,” whether it be for comfort sake, difference of paradigms, or something else — I am not being open-minded. I have not even begun to try and understand them, so how could I ever seek to be understood by them? I am being selfish by coddling myself! This happens with my mom all the time…

Other things to consider working on: patience, pro-activeness, having hope, balance, art of “we” — not just “what’s in it for me?”, to understand and then to be understood, and valuing and embracing differences.

It’s been over a year that I’ve been transforming from dependent -> independent. I think I’ve come a long way, but I still have more work to be done. I need to believe and work on being principle-centered instead of pleasure and work-centered.

Once I have done this, I will be able to move toward interdependency, and perhaps stumble upon an affirming, loving, and complementing person to be in a relationship — someone who is principle-centered and believes in honesty, integrity, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, modesty, service, quality, excellence, potential, growth, nurturing, simplicity and encouragement.

And then, it will be working toward synergy — “we not me” — husband and kids of my own! O_O

Okay, that’s far into the future, but something to consider when the time comes…

Right now, I am beginning with the end in mind, prioritizing and demonstrating pro-activity in everything that I’m too scared to do.

No excuses.

Read more >> Options >>

“How the hell do people work in the same location, same space, surrounded by the same people — day in and day out?”

I guess what really matters is whether you enjoy what you’re doing or not.

People start creating their own space –

hanging photos, decorating their cube…

personalizing their space until they run out of space!

While I don’t have a permanent place to do as the stationary folks do, I can understand how it gets comfortable.

I already feel too comfortable –

and it’s only been a week and a half.

At the end of the day, I ask myself what I’ve accomplished (besides having new learning experiences).

The past week and a half I’ve come up the answer, “I’ve done some work.”

Great — now what?

When I get home from being at the office, whatever crazy hours I want to work, I tell myself that I’m doing something terribly wrong.

Because literally, I am.

I’m missing substance.

I’m missing quality time and interactions with people that I used to know.

I’m missing time that could be spent on cultivating new friendships.

This has only been since I’ve been cooped up in Mountain View…

where things are a bit dull for my mind racing 500 million miles a minute –

where I just want exposure to everything I can get my hands on

and anything anyone is willing to teach me. 

In the past week and a half I’ve acquired impatience.

Examples of this include: 

• road rage — hating the commute. One of these days I will probably cause an accident because I’m so fed up with the stop-and-go traffic in the AM and PM. 
• people walking slow in the middle of the walkway (in the office) — nearly impossible to  pass them unless I say, “excuse me.”
• lack of excitement/boredom in the office.

So I try to laugh at all the dumb things throughout the day because laughter is the key to a healthy soul, right? And frankly, that’s the only “excitement” I get at work. It’s a bit sad…?

I need to get-away. I need exercise. I need to be outdoors. I need perspective. I need a nice long hike. I need motivation. I need energy.

It’s only taken me 4 months to feel like the real world has put a damper on my “livelihood.” It’s taken 4 months to finally feel like I need a change of landscape, where the environment will force me to slow down and enjoy my surroundings. I need to remember what it’s like to appreciate what is in front of me so that I can balance my work/life better.

I need change. I can’t have this constant — at least, not without choice. I hate that this constant of being in the office is something that I have to do right now. I want to be able to say, “Yes, I want a constant environment right now and I’m going to make it happen.”

That’s something I would do if I needed down time.

I don’t want downtime. 

I need to be fed information.

I need to be active.

How do I know that I’m not a bad person?

How do I know if I come off as rude, bitchy, pushy or just in-it-for-myself?

It does matter what other people think.

I get validation on whether I’m being seen how I want to be seen.

There are some people that can be characterized right off the bat –

“She’s wonderful! She’s considerate, caring and uplifting to be around.”

“He’s a good guy. He has the best intentions and wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone. He’s the one person who I know that can hold his word. He’s got integrity.”

“She’s so easy-going, hilarious and knows how to tell a good story.”

I want that I’m easy to classify — like the traits above.

I want that whenever someone says my name, they associate certain qualities with me.

I want that these qualities be the ones that I envision.

When I think about myself, I don’t know even know what to think.

All I get is a big ‘ole:

?

I want to say that I am this, this and that –

but am I foolish to believe myself?

Are these just wishful thoughts?

Or must I rely on the outside to tell me like I am?