This is the first place I’ve traveled where I’ve felt unsafe walking around. I almost broke down on the second day, and started feeling like I should just stay in my hotel room…even though that’s far from what I would want to do. I was harassed and called mean things walking around San Pedro St. (bad area) the first day I arrived, which threw me a new perspective. Bums and crazy people in downtown LA are mean and racist. Regular, normal people are just unfriendly. Completely different than from walking around in SF. Mid-week (Wednesday), I hung out with Claire for 12 hours straight! This was by far, the best day of my entire trip. On Saturday, teh nerdery group and I attended Kris and Jay’s wedding day at Kris’ uncle’s house, right off PCH in Malibu. Just so happens that Kris’ uncle is Dick Clark. His “house” was an amazing venue with an expansive view of the pacific ocean. It was beautifully arranged with three different areas: hors d’oeuvre’s, ceremony, and reception. The night was filled with lots of alcohol, our hoot’n and hollar’n, rowdy, Crown memorial Beach table moving…and dancing! Oh, and the best man speech was amazing and funny! One cannot expect anything less from Warren! Sunday I woke up with a hangover and hopped my 3pm flight at LAX. I didn’t capture many photos, but here’s a link to my set: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pipsyrules/sets/72157624270650518/ and a link to BF’s set: http://www.flickr.com/photos/7416625@N04/sets/72157624282854780/

‘Twas a long day to a long week in SoCal (for better and for worse)!

6/7:

• Flight from SFO -> LAX.
• Taxi to Omni Hotel, downtown LA.
• Walked to Daikokuya for tasty Ramen in Little Tokyo.
• Walked around Little Tokyo and grabbed mochi at Mikawaya.
• Walked through the Flower Market to get to the Fashion District and Santee Alley.
• Harassed by bum/crazy person. Ran a few blocks.
• Headed back to the hotel for shower and sleep.

6/8:

• Woke early, checked out of Omni Hotel (love complimentary beverages and newspapers in the morning!)
• Walked to KPMG office building for a full day of training.
• Checked into Millennium Biltmore Hotel on Grand.
• Hopped the Metro to Wilshire/Vermont and walked Wilshire blvd to get to Han Bat Sul Lung Tang (korean, hole-in-the-wall restaurant) for dinner.
• Hopped the nearest Metro back to the hotel (Wilshire/Western to Pershing Square)

6/9:

• Picked up by Claire around 10:30am. Drove to 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica.
• Bought Sam Edelman sandles (at a reduce price) at Kitson outlet.
• Farmer’s market and tasted different foods.
• BOA steakhouse for sangrias and lunch!
• Santa Monica Pier and beach with lemonade in hand
• Watched guys work out on the rings.  ;)
• Swings!
• Drove to the Grove & walked around the farmer’s market. Split a hugggeeeee red velvet cupcake between the two of us! Walked through the shops and Nordstrom for more shoes!
• Dinner at Cheesecake Factory and people-watched the good lookin’ guys behind our table!
• Drove through Rodeo Drive, Miracle Mile, and Westwood/UCLA area.
• Returned to hotel around 11pm.

6/10:

• Chinatown for Phillipes’ pork sandwich, macaroni salad, and iced tea.
• Olvera Street
• Union Station to Old Pasadena (Del Mar station)
• Colorado Street and shopping
• Violet’s Cakes for red velvet cupcake
• Cafe Santorini for braised lamb shank
• Returned to hotel via Metro

6/11:

• Metro to Hollywood/Highland for Hollywood Blvd walk
• Walked to Sunset Blvd and grabbed a quick drink at the Coffee Bean.
• Walked down to Santa Monica Blvd and stopped around Robertson Blvd to get picked up by Amber and Router.



• Walked in and out of the shops at Rodeo Drive
• Dinner at Palermo in Westwood
• Frozen yogurt for dessert!
• Drinks and live music at the hotel – shot from the bassist, Ryan!

6/12:

• Dash store in Calabassas and tried on clothes at the store next door.

• Corner Bakery for breakfast across the the street. Saw Nikki Sixx.
• Wedding
• 4 glasses of red wine, 3 glasses of champagne, 2 shots of whiskey
• Table moving…
• Dancing…

6/13:

• Hungover, dehydrated, jittery.
• Continental breakfast!
• Lounge/nap by the pool
• Road Runner to LAX.

I met so many people that it didn’t feel like I was traveling solo. I stayed at the Hyatt Regency downtown for $55/night. What a freakin’ steal! The food and entertainment were amazing — I wouldn’t mind living there for the summer!

4/29:

• Chatted w/Rochester man for entire 4 hour flight
• Mercadito tapas & drinks w/oregoner
• Rosas lounge for blues (James Wheeler) w/German and Chicago natives!

4/30:

• CTA to Damen (bucktown/wicker park food & culture)

• George’s Hotdogs – Chicago dog

• Hot Chocolate – Homemade Marshmallow and cold hot chocolate drink

• Goddess & Grocer – antipasto salad
• Piece – Pizza

• Sultan’s Market – Falafel sandwich

• iCream – ice cream (featured on Food Network)

• Magnificent mile
• Chicago Symphony Orchestra – Haydn, faure, & mozart w/cellist pavel gomziakov!

5/1:

• Architecture river boat tour

• Portillos – Italian beef, chili & cheese sandwhich w/sweet peppers & choc cake shake.

• Entertained by the Polish constitution parade (largest outside of Poland)

• Grant Park

• 9:30-1:30 CTA to B.L.U.E.S. on Halsted w/performers Carlos Johnson & the serious blues band. Amazing aptitude! This is where I was hit on by older dudes (3)…but I got a nice viewing spot up in front…and was serenaded by Carlos Johnson! Good times!

5/2 (day w/the fireman from Rosa’s Lounge):

• Buffet Brunch & endless Mimosas at Merckle’s Bar & Grill
• Cubs vs Arizona at Wrigley + Beer & Hot dog

• Lou Malnati’s (deep dish pizza) – The Lou, well done, & butter crust. Delicious! The only time I’ll eat sausage on pizza!

• Tomato & goat cheese salad dinner at Las Palmas w/local (met at the library).

5/3:

• Advisory University (Training): BPI
• Hugo’s frog bar portion size is ridiculous. Muddy Bottom Pie feeds like 15-20 people

• Bars and lounges downtown

5/4:

• AU Training
• Dinner at the hotel
• Drinks at the LA boys’ room
• Drinks with coworker at the bar

5/5:

• AU Training (half day)
• Lunch & then airport

• want to read it/look at it/remember it.
• can use it for a crafts project.
• need it for an emergency.

Store it until winter.

Store it until summer.

Store it until you need it.

Can you get rid of these tangible “things” (i.e. photo albums, books, school work, etc) that sit in your bedroom, closet, garage, <insert other storage space>?

Can you live a life where if everything were to burn in a fire and all you could run out with was your laptop & hard drive, you wouldn’t be devastated one bit?

I’d like a life with less clutter and tangible stuff — but there’s some kind of attachment to physical objects. Just as looking at photos digitally may evoke a different emotion or response than flipping through a physical album.

Are we conditioned to be attached to physical things?

Or can we truly live a less materialistic lifestyle and attain more freedom?

I want to clear my room except for things that I use on a weekly basis.

I think it will make me happier.

I’m wondering what other peoples lives are like who have done something similar…

• Define concrete principles and practice them. I never defined my concrete principles. I have them in my head. Scattered. But this is something I should do now than later. Not sure how I’ve managed to skimp on this…the foundation for everything else.
• Exercise, relax and practice meditating. Wow. I hate to admit that I only when I get to my breaking point I begin to do this. What I really need is to do this on a more consistent basis so I don’t have to reach a breaking point. More hiking, more yoga, more deep breathing.
• “Focus on my relationships with others”/Quality relationships. I want to be a super-connector. But I also want to have stronger relationships with my closest friends and family. What I’ve learned in 2009 is that my friendships strengthen when I spend quality time with them. It’s not about how much time I spend with them, but what we do with the time we’ve got. I know I’ve accomplished this when I feel that after even months of not hanging out, we can still get together and pick up from where we left off. At work, I want to connect better with my clients. I want to network by building friendships.

The one goal that I am most relieved to have “accomplished” in 2009 is defining my career and where I’m headed.  I would like to get involved in social work with stronger support. The only way to do this is to go back to school for a Master’s of Social Work degree. I would like to focus on developing more efficient programs to effectively reach out to the target audience. To maximize our impact to those that need help. To ensure that volunteers have a memorable experience.

While nothing in life is set in stone, I’ve mapped out a rough plan of my 2010 year.  The first few months are much more solid than the latter part of the year…But all of these may change down the road.  What matters now is that I have some kind of peace of mind.

January – May

• Enrolled in two (maybe three) community college courses for MSW pre-requisite (Weekly: Monday’s and Wednesday’s)
• Continue mentoring two youth through Reading Partners (Weekly: Tuesday’s)
• Continue interacting with one autistic child (Weekly: Thursday’s)
• Continue singing lessons (Once or twice a month)
• Volunteer in ICO to take youth on outdoor trips (Time permitting – long term commitment)
• Work 40 hours/week and split my time between two different engagements and managers (if feasible).
• Project lead HOBA projects (St. Anthony’s, Twin Peaks, and Almost Eden Garden).

May – August

• Travel
• Work and save money
• Apply for NOLS.

August – December

• MSW program (if accepted)
• NOLS program (if accepted)
• Travel/live in a foreign country (Peru, Chile, Australia, or Europe)

Now I would normally say that I’m a pretty happy person. I mean, looking at my blog posts, I have my down moments. And when they’re down, they’re really down. But the rest of the year is mostly about the wonderful things I have the opportunity to do/make time to do/prioritize. Perhaps if I prioritized like that throughout the entire year, I would feel closer to 100% happy all the time.

But the reality of it all is that we can’t always be happy. And we are prone to losing sight of what’s really important. It seems that if the question, “what will make me happy?” is answered, then we’d be good to go. But sometimes we can’t answer that question. Sometimes we don’t know where we’re headed or what we need to do to be happy. Sometimes we might think something will make us happy, but we shove it aside, rationalizing or making excuses why we can’t do/have that thing. Or we just aren’t sure if that will truly make us happy. But how will we know if we don’t try? The key is to keep a balance and have some kind of support, or backbone. In case we want to try something out-of-this-world, then we’d have people to catch us if we fall flat on our face…or so we hope. Sometimes people give up huge parts of their life to create happiness for themselves. Under stable circumstances I wouldn’t do this, but under whimsical, fed-up, or other crazy circumstances, I just might.

I can’t answer where I’m headed or what I really want to do, as nothing is set in stone. I always like having a plan, short term and long term. But over the last year, as I’ve come up with these kinds of plans, they tend to wisp away in a matter of time. The perfectionism in me wants me to be consistent and do as I say that I want to do, a year ago. But I have to do what I need, and not worry about people looking down upon my inconsistent words and decisions. Being a back-peddler or flake are unflattering traits…  I feel like up until this point in time I’ve been as consistent as I could hold myself to my words, but my psychologist says I should try being a flake. Try showing up late.

I have so many chances to do this, but I always show up at least 10 minutes early everywhere I go. My thought is that I respect people’s time to be on time, and I would hope they’d do the same. But everyone always shows up 5 – 10 minutes late. And then I keep thinking how my standards are so rigorous that I don’t even follow the norm of society. People should be on time, but most of society isn’t. So I have to be okay with that. Perhaps I have to conform to the late trend.

A few paragraphs later, I still haven’t answered what really matters now. How do I get my bigger picture perspective back? What I’m doing is fighting my emotional side. This is usually an on-going monthly, one-week battle. So what I have to do is list what I’m appreciative of — I forgot to reflect during Thanksgiving — hopefully this will provide me some kind of forward movement.

• Cousin – strangest but coolest thing is being able to click with my cousin, who has become one of my closest friends. Someone that I know I can call up or talk to any time of day. She always seems to know what I need when I’m down…
• Steady income – to not have to worry about money.
• Volunteering – to have the opportunity to give back in the community.
• Opportunities – to do whatever I want to do (i.e. travel, vacation, etc)
• Health* – well this hasn’t been an especially good year for me and I’ve managed to stay alive…but this definitely needs more taking care of.
• Friends* – while I feel like my closest friends have been pretty distant this year, I still know they’re there. They are my backbone. Sometimes I forget how to lean on them. Sometimes I can’t and don’t know how to. Maybe this requires more practice.

I built my list. But I haven’t got any epiphanies. What matters now is my happiness. What makes me happy — all of the above. So while I have these things, why am I sulky? Why can’t I get out of this rut? Why can’t I focus and do my job?

I need social interactions but I need time for myself. I’ve got to cut back or quit eharmony. I want a relationship but I don’t. I’ve got to figure out whether this can really fit in my life right now. Rather, if I find the right person, how to fit them in my life. But I don’t have that. Yet I want that. SO maybe I should just be realistic. But I need affection. So I’ll go to great lengths for it. Maybe even dupe a few people along the way. It’s okay that I fake myself  into believing it’s real. Because it satisfies and fulfills the need.

Do animals need affection? I just want to pin my need for affection on primitive instinct.

What matters now isn’t something I can answer because I haven’t prioritized. All I can think about is things that don’t really matter, like the amount of hours I have to work in the next three weeks, or about the boy who has come back into the scene and is compelling me to heal quicker, or about the other dates that I scheduled myself to go on when I really don’t want to/have the time/nor genuine interest (shocking!). And I think it all stems from my inability to say “no,” when I need to. To determine where to draw the line before I reach my breaking point. I don’t know my capacity as well as I would like. I don’t want to run at everything that stresses me out, so I keep pushing myself further and further, until I break. How can I determine where I need to stop?

It gets tiring thinking about others. I think that’s why I am where I am. I’ve forgotten about myself again and I don’t know how to re-focus. I never want to say or do something that will hurt others so I am constantly considering how other people feel and evaluating the situation.

So how do I feel? I say that I’m taking on too much, jokingly. But is it really a joke? It’s more than I’m used to. But I can handle it. I’ve handled it for the past three months…

Fuck.

I’m just talking in circles.

I quit.